I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
