oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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