chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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