im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
