I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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