If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
