I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
