Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
