I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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