I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
