What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
