You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
