is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
