My first STD was from a foam party
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
