I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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