Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
