Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
