If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
