Plan B is the new Plan A
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
