So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
