I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Congratulations! We have a period
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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