A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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