last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
