I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
