You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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