White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Less talking, more tequila
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
