does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
