There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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