I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
