I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
