she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
