You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
