i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
