for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
