I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
