Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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