Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
