Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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