Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
