So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
