We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
