i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Panties = found
Randomize
