Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
