people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
