had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
