we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
