I'm going to jail i love you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
