your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
