Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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