Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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