how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
